Tomorrow, I will be having my left medial meniscus removed. After waiting a month to see a second doctor, I was unable to get to my appointment because it fell in the middle of another 2 foot snowstorm! (Of course that was going to happen…). When I tried to reschedule, they said the next available appointment was March 2nd! I called back twice and told them I couldn’t wait another month and asked if there was there someone else I could see. “There’s an opening with Dr. Smiley on February 23rd!”. I called back again and was told they were trying to get me an appointment with a third guy in a week to 10 days. (I should have tried to get something sooner the first time around!). I only had two narrow window frames for surgery: one at the end of January/ very early February, and one as close to February 20th as possible- to give me a bit of time to recover before my next set of talks. The first window frame had passed just waiting for an initial appointment with this doctor.
In the end, I was able to see the doctor the following day. I had been told that he was a “people-person” and very friendly, so I was surprised that he did not even smile once during my appointment! He seemed very disgruntled (especially when he had to insert the MRI CD himself) and very tired. Maybe it was all the snow that we have had to deal with, or maybe it was the result of spending his entire life working so many hours.
I didn’t expect his opinion to be any different than the first guy I saw, but at least his reputation was a bit better. I told him that I wanted to hike thousands of miles beginning mid-April and was that possible after having surgery in February. He shook his head. “No. I wouldn’t do that.” The initial recovery is 8 weeks, and only after that can I even begin to build strength in my quads. “I wouldn’t want you to get 1,000 miles in and be stuck somewhere.” “And I couldn’t hike like this, right?” He shook his head. He had me tense my quads, looked at and felt them, and said my left quad had already atrophied. (That explains the uncontrollable shaking I had experienced when trying to stand on one leg recently while trying some yoga at home). It was bad enough not to be able to walk or take yoga classes for 3 months, but the viruses I had in January completely knocked any remaining strength out of me). He admitted that I would get early arthritis in that area of my knee after having the meniscus removed, but the truth is that I’ve had arthritis in both of my knees since my 20’s. They both make awful sounds when I flex and straighten them. He said that is arthritis in my kneecaps (which they also saw on the MRI).

I agreed to have the surgery. Due to a cancellation, I was able to book it for the 11th. I cancelled my talk on the 12th and after hearing that my yoga teacher who had the same procedure done had a rough recovery and couldn’t even walk for 2 weeks (“they clipped my hamstring”), cancelled my two talks the following week, as well. It is probably asking too much to drive 2.5 hours in one direction 5 days after surgery.

My mind has been consumed with preparing for surgery this past week. Mostly, I have been feeling very, very sad, and very, very alone. Because of the pain I have been in since early November, I have not been able to put any energy into planning for the Continental Divide Trail. But the truth is, I’ve had the desire to hike that trail this year in the back of my head for a long time. I told the libraries a long time ago that I could not commit to anything beyond the end of March. I had an amount I needed to have in my bank account to feel okay about (even though it would completely wipe me out), and knowing that Fun Size was hiking the CDT this year, I wanted to do it then, as well. He is the one person who I feel would look after me and make sure I was okay out there. (I’ve been completely fine on my own on the trails I’ve done so far and have known that before I started any of them, but the CDT is different).
Now, that opportunity is gone. I went back in my head- back to that day in September when I ultimately went against my own body’s knowledge and did what my teacher told us to do. (It turns out that September was even worse than I thought!!). I felt so mad at her. Not only do I have to go through the pain and long recovery of surgery (losing half on my year membership that I paid for at my yoga studio, miss the classes that I love so much, spend a lot of money on everything related to this surgery, lose a month’s worth of income, but worst of all, be unable to hike the trail that I have been wanting to hike since the PCT!!). I feel a little hurt that she hasn’t even asked about me, as well. I know that the responsibility is mine, but I can’t help thinking about how my other teachers would never have asked anyone to do such a move. It takes one momentary bad decision to change the entire course of a life.
I’m also been replaying all the decisions I have made since that moment. Maybe if I acted quickly and had the surgery in December, it would have given me enough recovery time to hike by April… But I didn’t know that it was so badly torn then- that I needed an MRI and to have surgery in November. At that time, I only had my past experiences to compare it to and thought it could heal on its own. By mid-December, when the pain became excruciating, my body was telling me this time was different. Still, I’m glad I didn’t rush into surgery with the first doctor who had an opening and who clearly didn’t care about me or my pain level. I think I did the best I could. (Even now, someone urged me to see more surgeons until I found one that agreed to repair it instead of remove it. He saw 5 orthopedic surgeons for his problem before he found one who would listen to him and not just revert to “standard” procedure. But I’m tired of being in this type of pain. (It hurts constantly- when I sit, when I lie in bed, whenever I straighten my leg, when I walk…) And I’m tired of waiting for appointments with the few doctors who accept my health insurance).

Meanwhile, Fun Size is posting pictures of meet-ups of fellow thru-hikers in Bend, including a photo of six of them attempting the CDT in 2015 from that one town! (What I am I doing all alone in 6 feet of snow out here??!). It’s a bit much to bear.

My sadness mostly stems from the constant stream of injuries and illnesses that I have been faced with over the course of my life. Time and time again, I have been denied the ability to move (which turns out to be the most essential thing for me). I was going to list a lot of these out for everyone to see, but that will have to wait until post surgery because I have run out of time again. (At the moment, I am suffering from intestinal pain once again! It still happens every day that I have to wake up early even though my breakfast remains the same! I don’t understand it. I do know that I am now gluten intolerant. I’m still suffering the consequences of eating gluten on the road on January 22nd!). I’ve also been recalling my previous surgery experiences (nurses jamming sticks up my nose while I was still awake before my first jaw surgery – one of the most painful feelings ever!-, blood spraying out my arm when my doctor botched the IV needle implantation during a midnight post-surgery visit, severe dehydration and a respiratory infection post-surgery, mis-communication between the surgeon and orthodontist and both leaving me high and dry after the surgery, and on and on and on! I could write a book about that experience alone!). I guess the good thing about knee surgery as opposed to jaw surgery is that I will still have the ability to eat afterwards!

Holidays and surgery are days that allow you to see how many people are present in your life and that is why I have been feeling so extremely alone and so sad. All week, I didn’t even know if I had anyone to bring me home from the hospital. Taylor has classes until 3:45 on Wednesdays and Jacqui has to work. I thought and thought and thought…. I didn’t want to ask my friend, Checka, who lives an hour away to drive to one town, drive to another to bring me home, and then drive back home, but when I did finally ask, it turned out that she was free until 4 and was happy to bring me home! So in the end, I lucked out. I will have a very nurturing person (whom I very rarely get to see), help bring me home.

I bought as much food as I could at the grocery store today and plan to hibernate until it runs out.
It’s been a very tough time for everyone in Massachusetts with over six feet of snow falling in the last 17 days. There is nowhere to put it! This morning, my car was completely trapped by my neighbors cars and no one was even stirring. I had no idea how I was going to get to the hospital for my pre-op appointments. I called my landlord and luckily he got my message and came out to help me. After an hour of shoveling and frozen feet and fingers, I ended up arriving just in time! And when I got home from the grocery store, a couple more neighbors appeared at just the right time to help me out even more. While I was trying to shovel a path wide enough to walk with crutches, a neighbor offered to bring me my groceries from my car. After telling her a good five times, “That’s okay, I’m fine…. Thanks, but I can do it… It’s no problem…” she insisted.
“I know how helpful this is because every time I come home after grocery shopping, my husband is always waiting to take the bags.” I told her I was having surgery tomorrow.
“Do you have anyone to check on you?”
I shook my head.
“Would you like us to check on you?”
With tears in my eyes, I nodded yes. Yes, I would like that. After all my worrying, it turns out that I am not so alone after all. I’m still sick, injured, and very emotional, but I am not alone.

“Your Inspiring Story and Presentation…
I attended your Sawyer Library (Gloucester) presentation and was thrilled to “experience” your powerful verbal presentation, photo and musical slide show.
As a retired higher education educator I’ve seen many presentations and yours ranks in the top 5%. Congratulations!
Your message of struggle, aspiration, challenge, commitment and redemption resonated with me (and many other attendees.)”

-Dr Daniel Duffy, Former Vice-President of Student Affairs, Ocean County College

“Thank you for a very engaging, thought-provoking and beautiful presentation. To say that the audience was engaged, would be an understatement. They did not want to let you go!
You are amazing, and should pat yourself on the back for your courage in overcoming overwhelming odds both on the trail and off.”

– Michelle LeMonde-McIntyre
Supervisor of Community & Outreach Services
Framingham Public Library

“Wendy’s talk was moving, inspirational, and fascinating. The stories she shared of her motivation to hike, her dedication despite illness and other obstacles, and her love for nature all made the evening one people are still talking about. The photos of her trek are beautiful. We’ve received so many compliments from our public about this event. For any community with hikers, nature lovers, or photographers, Wendy is a must-have.”

-Meagan Parker
Programming and Community Outreach Librarian
Cary Memorial Library
Lexington, MA

And the story continues to get better…!!

This Ms. Lopz is simply extraordinary! Just read this…

My amazement and respect for her just grew leaps and bounds.

Earlier this week, Ms. Lopez, Vidal, and Brandon were invited to be guests on the “Ellen Show”, as well as on “Good Morning America”!

And then today…

Wow…
Just wow.
The picture says it all.

Anything is possible.

In my New Year’s Eve post, I mentioned that the Humans of New York facebook page and blog was one of my best finds of last year. Its creator, Brandon, walks around all parts of the city, photographing the people he sees, and asking them very poignant questions. His portraits and interviews reveal a deep sense of what it feels like to be human, and creates a common thread of connection amongst us all. One of the best things about this facebook page is that nearly all of the comments (from thousands and thousands of people per post), are kind, supportive, and loving (something unheard of on the internet)!
In the second half of January, I watched the most incredible and inspiring story develop. It all started with the meeting of Vidal.

Just reading these few words about how Principal Lopez values the worth of each of her students made me feel emotional.

Then,a few days later, Brandon found Ms. Lopez! His interview with her made me even more emotional. She and her teachers call their students scholars! And they all wear the color purple to remind them that they come from a lineage of royalty! Wow!

After brainstorming ideas for what was needed the most at this school, Brandon announced a fundraiser to send each one of the students to Harvard University for a visit to show them what existed outside of their crime-ridden neighborhood and what was possible for them if they worked hard enough.

In only a few hours, it raised $185,000!

Not only did donations start to pour in, but individuals sent Ms. Lopez bouquets of flowers! (Purple ones!) Her struggles and fierce dedication and commitment were being recognized at last! I love this photograph!

Enough money was raised so that other needs could be met, as well!

Brandon continued to interview other teachers and students at the school, Vidal, and his mother. Their stories of love and commitment are extremely heartwarming.

Then, they had an assembly to announce to the school what had happened!

And then, as if the story couldn’t get any better, Ms. Lopez admitted that she felt broken and ready to resign before Vidal’s chance meeting with Brandon took place!

Just incredible!!

The fundraiser has now made over one million dollars, and everything over $700,000 will go to scholarship funds for the students, with Vidal being the first recipient. I am blown away by the events that transpired from one man asking another human being, whom he had never met before, a meaningful question about his life. We all have the potential to positively impact and uplift one another. Brandon is one of my biggest role models in life right now. I want to be like him!

If you don’t already follow this site, I highly recommend that you do!
https://www.facebook.com/humansofnewyork
http://www.humansofnewyork.com/

And if you would like to contribute to this fundraiser, there is still time! It ends on February 10th.

The very kind Jordan Rich has allowed me to be one of his guests on his weekend radio show! It begins at 12:05 am on Sunday, Feb 1st (late Saturday night) and ends at 3:30 am. I believe that I will be part of a panel, along with a longtime soccer coach. You can listen on WBZ Boston radio (1030 AM) or listen on the internet: http://www.jordanrich.com/the_jordan_rich_show.shtml
It should be fun!

Well, there went two weeks of my life… I went back to the eye doctor on Thursday for my follow-up appointment. In the 10 days since I had seen him for the first time, my eyes had gotten worse like he had said, and then never got better. I have been a non-functional person in that time, unable to even open the shades in my apartment because the light blinds me. I haven’t been able to read or write, and most of the time, I’ve had to keep my right eye closed. The pain in my right eye often went up into my brain. Fulfilling my obligations has been difficult (teaching yoga, doing my talks, doing my grocery shopping), but I am proud of the manner in which I can switch so quickly from my own pain to completely being there for others. Driving has been the hardest part. One eye can not tolerate any amount of light, and the other eye is functioning at about 30%. The other drivers don’t know this, but when I was forced to drive, it was a community effort. They had to subconsciously work with me. Throughout this time, I have been wondering what is so wrong with me that I don’t have the capacity to heal. Last weekend, I had asked my healing friends if they would mind sending me some energy and one of them suggested I put colloidal silver drops in my eyes to clear out the infection. I managed to get myself to Whole Foods and bought the silver drops last Sunday. But five days later, nothing had improved! I was not a happy girl when I went back to the doctor. He had given me nothing to help me live my life- only the antibacterial drops that he said would do nothing. I told him that I think I need steroids and he agreed… I am sure the steroid drops were what allowed me to continue hiking when something similar happened to me on the AT. Why couldn’t he have prescribed them for me 12 days ago?! This time, I was left with nothing to help with either the pain or the light sensitivity. The doctor just said that I was hit with a particularly nasty strain of virus. “You know the types of colds that take 2-3 weeks to get over?… This is not one of those. It’s much worse.”
Great…
I guess I just had some very bad luck!
That night, I had to give another talk (the fifth one with my eye infection!). My nice host, Michelle, told me that her son had 5 eye infections during the summer. He had to keep going back to the eye doctor and was given nothing to help treat it, like me. I felt better knowing I am not the only one!
My biggest crowd yet (78 people!) came to my talk on Thursday and helped boost my energy for the evening. Had I not had my eye infection, I would have had that talk taped. Oh, well. Someday, it will be!
I finally got the steroid drops yesterday and already felt a bit of improvement after putting a single drop in one of my eyes. The membrane on that eye has thickened and there is a lot of extra stuff floating around in it, so my vision is very clouded, but I was able to read a little bit last night for the first time in a long time!
Of course, now that my eye is beginning to heal, my knee is screaming again. I still have to figure out what I am going to do about that!
I also need to slowly start building my strength back up. I lost 5 pounds since I was hit with the stomach virus on January 5th and have felt very weak since. My digestive system is still very out of order. No food is appealing to me, except maybe toast. After having been out all day on Thursday to go to the doctors, teach yoga, and give my talk, I was too weak to do anything at all on Friday, except pick up my steroid drops.
I really hope February is a much better month!

The stomach virus left me with a parting gift- a very painful eye infection in my right eye! In the last week, this infection has taken over my knee pain as my most acute injury. (At times, it makes me wonder if I am doing something very, very wrong to end up like this! The problems are just piling up on top of one another, each one more intense than the last!) My eye was becoming more and more light sensitive and painful by the end of last week, and by the weekend, I was starting to lose my vision. I ended up going to the “Minute Clinic” at CVS on Sunday, since the doctor I called said that doesn’t sound like conjunctivitis and that I needed to be seen. However, there was a three hour wait time and I had to give my talk in North Andover. By the time I was done, all of the clinics were closed.
I decided I would go to Urgent Care at the hospital I teach yoga at in Cambridge in Mondays. Maybe they could see me before class, and I could get a prescription afterwards. It turned out that there was no urgent care there- only the emergency room. I had to wait for the receptionist to chat with another employee before she registered me. Some time later, I was taken to a bed where I was to wait for the nurse. I told her that my cornea was infected. “How do you know that?!” she asked with wide eyes. “Because this happened to me while I was hiking the Appalachian Trail five years ago.” She led me down the hall and told me to stand on the blue tile and asked me to read the lines on the eye chart. “You’re very good with both eyes!”.
A physician assistant came in and shone a light into my eye. “You have a corneal ulcer. You could lose your vision. You need to see the opthomologist immediately.”
“I have to teach yoga at noon.”
“I don’t think that’s such a good idea”.

It turned out that the opthomologist was at the hospital in the next town, so I cancelled my classes and drove over there. I was examined and questioned by the assistant who almost dilated my eyes. “You’re going to dilate my eyes?!” They were already more light sensitive than if they were dilated! I told him I didn’t want that and that they were fine.
I was then taken to a seat in a hallway to wait for the doctor. A portable radio was playing Bruno Mars’ ‘Uptown Funk’ right behind my head! (Portable radios still exist?). The door of the doctor’s office was wide opened as he talked with the patient inside. Apparently, the patient had had a stroke and lost some of his vision as a result. “What’s a stroke?” he asked the doctor.
He led the patient out and grabbed my chart. “Uh-huh, okay, um hum, okay! Come on in.” He looked into my eyes and said that both of my corneas are badly damaged, but only one of them looks bad. The blood vessel in my right eye broke into my cornea and I have some viral conjunctivitis in addition. He said I can not wear contacts for 2 weeks and that he would prescribe some antibiotic drops, but that they wouldn’t help since this is a viral infection. It will take 2 weeks to get better.
He also said it will get worse before it gets better.
I have been in the “worse” phase for the past several days. Most of the time, I can’t even open my right eye because it is extremely sensitive to any amount of daylight. He didn’t give me anything for the pain, which has made it difficult to do anything. I’ve had 3 talks in the past 4 days and another one tonight, and yesterday, I had to teach two yoga classes. As soon as one of my students sat down in front of me yesterday, she gasped, “Oh, my God!”.
“Yeah…”
One painful ailment on top of another.

Driving has been the most excruciating time for me. I have to keep my right eye closed, but even so, the light is still able to get in. Even with my hat pulled down as low as possible, the two sun visors down, and my hand covering my eyes, it is extremely painful, and very dangerous! I am driving nearly blind! I thought driving in the night would be better, but the car lights hurt my eyes, and the motion is also very difficult for them.
What I really wonder about, is how I managed to keep hiking the AT with this infection in both of my eyes! I remember the searing pain, the inability to open my eyes due to the extreme light sensitivity, having to hike nearly blind until I reached one of the dirtiest hostels on the trail, lying sick on the disgusting bunkbeds, and searching through a water soaked and bug ridden phone book to make an appointment with an eye doctor in town. That eye doctor gave me steroid antibiotics and the next day, I was back hiking the rest of the trail to Maine! Maybe the steroids helped me with the pain, or maybe it was my super-human thru-hiking persona that got me through. These days, in the comfort of my apartment with the ability to rest a great amount, I am stripped of my healing powers, and so I must wait and wait and wait…

One of my friends said that I am an interesting combination of strong and fragile. That is for sure!

I am so glad that I did not go through with the surgery on the 8th with the bad doctor. One of my yoga students gave me the name of an orthopedist in Lexington who accepts Masshealth (every other one I tried does not!). I have to wait until February 2nd to even be seen by him, however. In the meantime, I am trying out castor oil packs, which I happened to see mentioned in a comment while I was reading about torn meniscuses.
http://www.edgarcayce.org/are/holistic_health/data/thcast1.html

I gave my chiropractor my MRI report and he said he didn’t realize it was that bad! “I didn’t know about this lateral part.” The tear was as clear as daylight to me as soon as I saw the MRI (well before the doctor said anything.) It is a large, lateral complex tear, with a flap and probable dislodged pieces. There is also an accompanying cyst and wear on the patella (which I can feel!). In other words, I have withstood an incredible amount of pain! (And now I know that I hiked the Colorado Trail and the PCT with a partially torn meniscus!) Whenever I try to pretend that it is okay for a moment, it immediately gives out and starts hurting more. I think the castor oil pack can help dissolve the cyst and maybe send some healing agents in for the damaged cartilage.
I can’t believe the surgeon had no suggestions at all for pain relief. He didn’t even take me seriously until after the MRI report came back, and then he mentioned surgery for the first time (practically just in passing as he was getting ready to leave the room. “There are always risks, but in your case, the benefits greatly override the risks.” I was glad that I had read enough beforehand to know this was coming… That day, the pain was still so high, that I agreed I better just get it done. But after not being able to be seen by a better surgeon due to my type of health insurance, I knew I needed to buy some time and not rush into surgery with someone I don’t feel comfortable with. Since then, the pain level has been decreasing and I have been able to walk a little bit better. Straightening my leg still hurts, and any type of hip opener is still inaccessible, but at least I can breathe, sleep, and do some types of movement now!

Hopefully, by February, I will be back on my feet, able to see, and ready to re-start my intentions for the year!

Would you kindly e-mail me your name and address? I would like to send you a nicer one with some actual words! (I think I was feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment and not thinking properly at all!) I am so sorry!

My e-mail address is: wendy.thruhiker@gmail.com

And to everyone who came to my talk today- a huge and heartfelt THANK YOU!!
I am humbled and grateful.

While attempting to collect any prior writing I had done in my life a few days ago, as a means to get started on my “real” writing, I found the hand-written speech I wrote and read at my 21 year old brother’s memorial service at the end of November, 2000. I hadn’t read it in a very long time, so it was both emotional and interesting to see what it contained. Perhaps the most notable thing about it (to me) is how similar I am to the person I was 14 years ago. I often give yoga much of the credit for teaching me how to heal and shift my perspective, but this speech shows me that I have always thought that way. Yoga just confirms and validates what I have always known.

I have just now transcribed this address into type and am sharing it for the first time.

(The memorial service was held in the chapel of the private school that my sister and I attended, as my mother worked as a staff member in the library there, and the school therefore allowed us to use the chapel for no cost.)

***

Thank you all so much for coming here this evening to celebrate Ted’s life. It is amazing to see how many lives Ted has touched and affected.
I was just here in this beautiful chapel a few months ago, revisiting this school after many years, and I can not describe how unreal it is to be standing here now in front of you all in such unspeakably sad and tragic circumstances. Meeting in this beautiful setting does bring some comfort, however, and I believe that there is also special meaning for Ted that we are here.
Ted had an unfounded notion that he was not as smart or capable as his sisters- that he was not good enough to have ever attended an elite school such as this one. But I believe that he was the best of all of us. I know that he was incredibly smart- he was an innate writer, had a keen mind for business, worked incredibly hard, was extremely organized, and had a strong ambition to become a financial manager and help others manage their money well- an ability he was particularly proud of in his own life. In addition to these traits, Ted was the funniest and most caring and generous person I have ever known. I believe that by gathering here, we are letting him know that he does belong in the best of places.
Ted had a tough life, but he had an amazing spirit and strength to carry him through. He was not only able to cope with difficult experiences, but to triumph, to prevail, and to turn his own pain into making everyone around him happier.
Ted really understood people and had the rare ability to relate to everyone- no matter what their position in life was. He was said that he could see things that others could not.
He never had a bad word for anyone, no matter what they did- or didn’t do- for him. He forgave people for their shortcomings. He catered to each unique personality he encountered.
He worked really hard himself, so that he would be in the position to help everyone else, and was always thinking of how he could make others happy. At Christmas time, Ted would buy presents for everyone- not just friends and family members, but friends of family members, co-workers, even strangers who were down on their luck. He put a lot of thought into each and every gift and always managed to come up with the most perfect gifts for each person.
He also had a tremendous sense of humor and was always making people laugh. He put people at ease.
Ted was so important to me. He was my little buddy, my anchor in life. I loved him deeply and looked forward to being closer and closer to him as time went on. I depended on his friendship and sense of humor. I knew that I could call him anytime. He knew that I love hugs so he always gave me one when he greeted me and again when he left. He would always tell me funny stories of good times he had had, like on St. Patrick’s Day when he donned a green Irish top hat and danced around to Irish step music all night long entertaining everyone there.
Ted truly lived life to its fullest. I am hoping that we can all infuse some of his spirit into us and that we can carry through life by laughing, joking with each other, and being good to one another.
Too many of us close ourselves off and don’t communicate our feelings or affection to one another. We alienate ourselves and create misunderstandings among each other (sometimes because we are just too afraid). I am hoping that we can learn from Ted how important it is to share both good times and bad with each other, to always show your love, to be open, to try to understand and relate to one another, and to realize that we can find strength in each other and make our lives meaningful and happy.
You hear too often that life is too short to be so angry or to tell those you love that you love them everyday- but in our daily rigor, we tend to forget this advice.
If we keep Ted with us in our hearts, we can help each other out so much. I hope that you will always share stories about Ted and keep his spirit alive. And don’t be afraid to act a little crazy now and then. Dance around and break a rule every once in awhile. Ted will be smiling with you.