This past week has been one of the most physically painful weeks of my life. My attempted short walk last Sunday created lasting excruciating pain in my knee. Not only could I not put any weight on it, I could not even lie in my bed without constant shooting pain. I could not straighten my leg and there was no position that I could lie in without immense pain. By Tuesday, I knew that my injury was too acute for my chiropractor to be able to help. I had trouble even breathing because the pain was so intense. I had no idea how I was even going to be able to lie on his table!
It took me about a half an hour to try to drag by leg down the street for a coffee on Wednesday. Every step sent a sharp pain through my leg. I had to teach two hour long yoga classes that afternoon and was in tears or near tears immediately preceeding both of them. I wasn’t in any state to provide for my students due to my own pain and inability to move myself, but since they wanted to do yoga, I quickly shifted into teaching and calming mode (surprising myself at my ability to do this!).
My chiropractic session didn’t contain as much laughing as I thought it would. He was required to wear a face mask by the insurance company because he didn’t get his flu shot and I had to get my temperature, pulse, and blood pressure taken, as well as my height and weight recorded. I found all of these new implementations to be quite ridiculous! No one is sick! I’m going to the chiropractor! He tested my knee and said it passed the test for a torn medial meniscus. He said there was not much he could do about it and that I should see an orthopedist and get an MRI. He did rub the back of my head at one point during the session. “How ARE you, Wendy? It’s been a long time!” He remembered some of the stories that I used to talk about during our past sessions. And at one point, after I asked something that I can’t quite remember, he answered, “Everything is possible- right?”. I nodded, considering that I say that in my talk… I figured there would be a high five at some point, and I was right. He told me to ice my knee as much as possible.
After I left, I called my insurance company and made an appointment with an orthopedist before teaching another yoga class. Along with the intensity of the pain, I was experiencing a lot of fear. A big part of me wants to be able to hike the CDT and this news of the tear is taking that hope away. I have been practicing imagining myself in the future in a healthier and happier state instead of sinking into the despair of the present.
On Friday, I saw the orthopedist. The introduction wasn’t the nicest. He just stood there looking at me, not understanding that I wanted to be called Wendy. He wanted to know what happened six weeks ago. “Nothing. I was standing in the bathroom and I turned to leave and my leg gave out and then swelled up.”
“Okay. You were in the shower…”
“No. I was standing in the bathroom.”
(He didn’t seem to understand). “In front of the sink…”
“And how did you turn?”
I was getting a little exasperated. Nothing I did would have resulted in a torn knee. Actually, I believe it happened in my yoga class in mid-September. My teacher wanted us to do something that I knew was bad (especially for me, but in general, as well). I didn’t do the first side, but since she said she was waiting for us all to do it on the second (my weaker side), I decided I better at least try. My knee made a popping sound so loud that I assumed everyone in the room could hear it! I had planned on going for a hike that Thursday because my yoga classes were cancelled, but I couldn’t because of my knee pain. I postponed the hike for several weeks, and even then, my knee hurt. When I told another teacher before class about my injury, he said my other teacher should never have had us do that- that it was like jumping out of a 10 story building and landing on one knee! It did gradually start getting better until that day in November.
He asked if I had ever had problems with it before, but didn’t have time for me to give him my history. I told him about it swelling up in 2012 and how I saw a physical therapist, who decided that scraping it with a metal tool was a good idea.
“She did that?”
“Did it help?”
“No!!!”. (I’d like to know whose bright idea that one was!)
The Orthopedist agreed that the meniscus was probably torn and said they would take x-rays, but would likely not see anything. The next step would be to get an MRI. He then told me that there is nothing you can do about this type of injury. “I tell people it’s like chipping your tooth. Too bad.”
The x-rays looked fine. He said they would contact my insurance company and see if they will agree to an MRI.
“And in the meantime…?”
“Don’t go on any big hikes.”
Is he kidding?! I can’t even lie down!!!
“Don’t do any squats or lunges.”
“Okay”. (I can’t even walk!!!)
So, I rest my case. This is why I don’t find going to doctors helpful at all. I don’t see the point in having an expensive MRI done if they have no ideas on how I can heal it. I think I will get some fascia work done to open up some space around the injury and see my chiropractor at least once a week. At least these people offer healing touch and positive energy! And I will try to heal my injury with love- my own and that of the universe! If anyone cares to send me some, I will deeply appreciate it!