Last Thursday, I went into Boston to take a yoga class and something extraordinary happened at the end. In the middle of an unusually long savasana, my teacher sat down next to me and put one hand on my belly and one hand on my heart. It felt deeply comforting and very heavy, as if the weight of a dark, velvety sky was gently pressing the weight of my body into the earth. The strong feeling of being held and assured that I was okay quickly turned into sadness as my body was reminded of how little touch and nurturing I had ever received over the course of my life. I didn’t want to feel sad at that moment, so I tried to return to my breath, instead. Self -judgment arose as I thought I wasn’t breathing deeply enough. “She’s not judging you,” I had to remind myself. “Just relax”. The weight of her hands was stronger than one person’s could be, and I felt that I was being looked after by spirits in the sky. I realized that in the past week of actively beginning to look for a source of employment, my anxiety about the future and how I will be able to make a living was causing me to become more ungrounded than I had realized. Panic arose in my chest as I took in the feelings of what I had been experiencing and worrying about, now confirmed by my teacher’s hands and the message it was returning to me. I am okay. Over and over, I had to remind myself to be calm as the feelings of sadness and panic rose to the surface of my being. I hadn’t been touched in a long time during a savasana and I was grateful for the time my teacher was spending on me.
After the class ended, I thanked Jojo and told her that was special. She told me that she had been lying on her mat with her own hands on her belly and heart and noticed how good it felt. Then, she said that she was suddenly and powerfully called to do the same for me. “Go to Wendy! Now! Put your hands on her!”.
“Okay!’ she thought and immediately scrambled over to me. I was amazed at her words! I’m always amazed to hear about people’s connection with something greater than ourselves.
For days after this experience, I was unable to process what had happened. Every time I tried to think about it, tears immediately streamed down my face. It was such a simple act, but the effects were profound and far-reaching. Immense gratitude co-mingled with deep, deep sadness.